Day Care Providers

Have you ever noticed that when you have a "special" child, trying to find care gets more and more difficult? Maybe you haven't noticed. So let me share with you my adventures.

I started by asking around, hoping to find another great mom who was currently SAH with her own kid(s). No luck. I didn't ask on the list I'd found Amazing on (a parenting list) since we had silently agreed not to mention it there.

I made calls to the "big" daycares around here: La Petite, Goddard, KinderCare, and Children's World. Here's how the phone calls went:

Me: "Hello, I'm a mom to a 26 month old son and I'm looking for fulltime daycare, do you have any space in your toddler classroom?"

Them: "We only have a few spots available and we've had many calls for them."

Me: "Well, let me ask you a few questions. My son has a speech problem and primarily communicates by sign language. Do any of your toddler teachers know sign?"

Them: "I've never been asked that question before...but no I'm fairly certain they don't."

Me: "Would they be interested in learning?"

Them: "I don't know about learning, that's alot of work." (uh huh...sure it is...the signs to know eat, drink, potty, more, please, blanket, and sleep are way too much to ask...)

Me: "Ryan is cloth diapered, have you ever handled those?"

Them: "No, I'm not sure we're allowed to do THAT...it's really dirty and there are laws you know..."

Me: "Really, I wasn't aware of any laws against cloth diapering, please tell me what makes you think that."

Them: "Well, you know, hygenie and all that..."

Me: "Oh , well I'm sure you NEVER get dirty when changing a disposable diaper do you?"

Them: "Well we use gloves to change diapers."

Me: "Well, then it wouldn't be a problem would it? (Idiot.) Ryan also has a dairy allergy, so he cannot have any milk or milk based products."

Them: "Oh we can't do that, our kids must have a balanced diet and milk is required."

Me: "He's ALLERGIC. Get it? A-L-L-E-R-G-I-C."

Them: "Oh well, I guess maybe we can make an exception in that case, but I'd have to check with our nutritionist."

Me: "Thank you that answers all of my questions."

Them: "I think we would be perfect for your son. Why not come have a visit?"

Me: "You can't communicate with him, won't change his diaper, and want to feed him something he's allergic to...let me think on that..."

Okay, maybe I wasn't being totally fair, Goddard's teachers know sign and use sign in all of their classrooms, and the milk thing doesn't apply since they make you pack your child's lunch. So MAYBE they would be possible...except that they still won't change his diaper...

From there I went to the yellow pages and started looking up the "smaller" daycare centers. Similar conversations ensued. Finished the entire daycare section of the yellow pages for Columbus AND Delaware. Burned yellow pages.

Then I went online and found a nanny list. I got an email address and eventually spoke to a GREAT nanny. She had worked with a child who used ASL, had a degree in child education, knew about the behavior issues that some children lacking communication can have, and was all around just amazing. She was also so far outside of our price range that it wasn't funny...

By this time, Amazing has accidentally let it slip on list that she has discontinued Mr. Miracle's care. BTW, I don't blame her for "putting in her resignation", I still think she is an AWESOME woman and mama - not to mention friend.

So I got a few volunteers from the list who offered to help me out. One of whom I'd met at a ritual she'd invited the list to attend at Beltane. I was thrilled to know another mom like me. Now she was willing to babysit for me too!

Shortly after SecondButGreat (or so I'll call her) volunteered, I got word of a woman who lives maybe a few doors down from me who has a daycare in her home. Also recieved word of another woman who is a friend of a friend of a coworker's...you know how it is. The first woman reminds me of one woman I left my son with who TOLD me when I arrived to pick him up (I was gone a total of 2 hours) that he was locked in the laundry room in a playpen since she didn't want to deal with him and she had to feed her family dinner. She had forgotten to mention that he was bruised on his chest with little finger marks from where a 4 year old had been holding him down on the floor and hitting him. Apparently "boys just need to fight it out" or so I was told when I asked about the bruises. Mr. Miracle was 18 months old. So maybe I'm a little reserved about who I leave my son with now...

Okay, I'll be honest, I'm DAMN picky now! Fingerprints, background checks, I want to know if you ever hit a bunny with your car and drove off without checking on it!

::clears throat:: Uhm, yeah...anyway...

Anyway, SecondButGreat and I met last night to discuss the babysitting thing. She is willing to work with Mr. Miracle . I'm happy, but slightly limited in my joy. I've never known a more capable woman than Amazing so I don't know how long SecondButGreat will last. I guess I'm cautiously optomistic.

Mr. Miracle's evaulation is Friday, we'll see how he's doing then and what kind of improvement he's had. His receptive language (when we "test" him at home based on the same tests those "specialists" use) is all passes at the 2-3 year level and even a few passes at the 3+ year level. His expressive language is all passes at the 8-12 month level and two passes at 12-18 months level. That's kind of depressing to me, so I'll just wait to see what the experts have to say...he's obviously improving though (6-8 months when we started this journey and now a couple passes at 12-18 months).

I'm still waiting to hear "mama" though...just once I'd like to hear my son say "mama." And for those of you who say "Sure you do, until he never shuts up and is always saying mamamamama..." I say - Until you've lived with a child who can't say mama, and nobody knows when or IF that child will be able to, don't judge. You don't have a hope of knowing or understanding the anguish it brings, especially when other parents start the "What Funny Thing(s) Did Your Kid(s) Say" game...

Though I guess my pain doesn't compare to someone who can't have kids since I can (obviously). Though if you've read my previous posts, the doctors still aren't sure HOW I got pregnant. I tried to tell them that if they didn't know about the birds and the bees then they needed to go talk to their OWN parents, because I wasn't explaining it them. I told my OB/GYN when he made that comment that if he didn't know how it (getting pregnant) happens that I'd be glad to renact the events that lead up to it for him. Apparently, I embarassed him...I would have thought OBs wouldn't have that problem...