Why I love every moment...
So as I'm reading the blogs I love...usually lurking...I read Tertia's post and Julie's post about how the here and now is so important. And I became inspired to write on this as well. Why? Because so often I am questioned by those who see or wonder or criticize my parenting style. I'm an APer, and while I'm not perfect, I do my best for Mr. Miracle and for us. We breastfed (not as long as I'd hoped, due to a mass growing behind my sternum - I'm fine people, I was fine then too!), sling/wrap/carry, no CIO, on demand feeding/cuddling, cloth diaper, gentle discipline, etc.
People are generally in awe that I use cloth diapers, they are fascinated by the sling/wrap, and they are amazed that Mr. Miracle is so well behaved, for a two year old boy, even though he isn't beaten regularly (okay bad choice of words maybe, but you know what I mean). I think I get the most crap about cosleeping. Not that it's any of their damn business. Even the repair people question why there is only one bed in the house!
Yes, we share the bed with Mr. Miracle - DUH. One single queen sized mattress that is on the floor (for safety in case we get rolled out by Mr. Miracle). It is now our bed (AKA The Family Bed). Do I ever wake up WISHING I had my own space and didn't have a numb arm or wasn't being hit by a flying arm or leg? You bet. Usually in the middle of the night when I'm barely clinging to the mattress by my toes, I'm too hot, and can't get comfortable or back to sleep.
Then I remember that there will be YEARS and YEARS to come where Mr. Miracle will not only NOT want to be in my bed, he won't want me to kiss him or hug him either. So I curl up around him and breath deeply of that lovely smell that babies and toddlers have and fall back to sleep with a smile. Am I any more comfortable? Is my arm suddenly un-numb? Am I suddenly less boiling hot? No, but somehow none of that matters anymore because I'm suddenly remembering that while being a mom is forever...this part of Mr. Miracle's life isn't.
Mr. Miracle was only a baby for a short time. Granted his babyhood was longer than others since he was premature (6 weeks), but it was still such a short time in the grand scheme of things. I remember how the infant clothes were so huge they practically fell off of him when he first came home (5 pounds 13 ounces - big for his age, but still small). I remember that the diapers were kind of big even though they were the smallest size I could find. I remember how small he felt in my arms and how I wondered how I could possible breastfeed such a small baby without smothering him with my breasts which were huge BEFORE I had a baby...
Ahh the memories...
I also remember how when he would wake up every hour, I begged for sleep. I begged for this time to go away. Now I remember the long hours rocking in the chair holding Mr. Miracle while I sang and sang to him...do I remember that time fondly? Not particularly, I like my sleep, but I do remember how close I felt to Mr. Miracle and how much I felt like a mommy when I held him and hushed him to sleep. I remember how my husband would beg me to take Mr. Miracle since Mr. Miracle would calm the instant he was in my arms. Okay, well not always...there were definately times that I thought WHY??!!! PLEASE MAKE THIS GO AWAY!!! And now, I wish I could have those times back so that I could cherish them more than I did.
Will things really be any different with our next baby (if my stupid body ever gets in gear)? Probably not too much. I will take more pictures. I will probably remember as I'm doing the night feedings that this only lasts such a short time and that soon this baby will be up running around and too busy to need mommy. I will remember that it all changes so fast...
Will it really change how tired I will be? Will it actually change the sleep deprivation? Will I really be happy about being up at night to be a parent? Because parenting isn't one of those day jobs. It's a 24 hour, 365+ day job. You are always on call and you are always needed. I don't stop being a mommy when the sun goes down. I believe in night parenting. I'm a parent no matter what the clock or calendar says...
Will any of that change next time around? No, but I may be a BETTER parent because I will know that it does get better...and that in the end it will get "better" all too soon...
People are generally in awe that I use cloth diapers, they are fascinated by the sling/wrap, and they are amazed that Mr. Miracle is so well behaved, for a two year old boy, even though he isn't beaten regularly (okay bad choice of words maybe, but you know what I mean). I think I get the most crap about cosleeping. Not that it's any of their damn business. Even the repair people question why there is only one bed in the house!
Yes, we share the bed with Mr. Miracle - DUH. One single queen sized mattress that is on the floor (for safety in case we get rolled out by Mr. Miracle). It is now our bed (AKA The Family Bed). Do I ever wake up WISHING I had my own space and didn't have a numb arm or wasn't being hit by a flying arm or leg? You bet. Usually in the middle of the night when I'm barely clinging to the mattress by my toes, I'm too hot, and can't get comfortable or back to sleep.
Then I remember that there will be YEARS and YEARS to come where Mr. Miracle will not only NOT want to be in my bed, he won't want me to kiss him or hug him either. So I curl up around him and breath deeply of that lovely smell that babies and toddlers have and fall back to sleep with a smile. Am I any more comfortable? Is my arm suddenly un-numb? Am I suddenly less boiling hot? No, but somehow none of that matters anymore because I'm suddenly remembering that while being a mom is forever...this part of Mr. Miracle's life isn't.
Mr. Miracle was only a baby for a short time. Granted his babyhood was longer than others since he was premature (6 weeks), but it was still such a short time in the grand scheme of things. I remember how the infant clothes were so huge they practically fell off of him when he first came home (5 pounds 13 ounces - big for his age, but still small). I remember that the diapers were kind of big even though they were the smallest size I could find. I remember how small he felt in my arms and how I wondered how I could possible breastfeed such a small baby without smothering him with my breasts which were huge BEFORE I had a baby...
Ahh the memories...
I also remember how when he would wake up every hour, I begged for sleep. I begged for this time to go away. Now I remember the long hours rocking in the chair holding Mr. Miracle while I sang and sang to him...do I remember that time fondly? Not particularly, I like my sleep, but I do remember how close I felt to Mr. Miracle and how much I felt like a mommy when I held him and hushed him to sleep. I remember how my husband would beg me to take Mr. Miracle since Mr. Miracle would calm the instant he was in my arms. Okay, well not always...there were definately times that I thought WHY??!!! PLEASE MAKE THIS GO AWAY!!! And now, I wish I could have those times back so that I could cherish them more than I did.
Will things really be any different with our next baby (if my stupid body ever gets in gear)? Probably not too much. I will take more pictures. I will probably remember as I'm doing the night feedings that this only lasts such a short time and that soon this baby will be up running around and too busy to need mommy. I will remember that it all changes so fast...
Will it really change how tired I will be? Will it actually change the sleep deprivation? Will I really be happy about being up at night to be a parent? Because parenting isn't one of those day jobs. It's a 24 hour, 365+ day job. You are always on call and you are always needed. I don't stop being a mommy when the sun goes down. I believe in night parenting. I'm a parent no matter what the clock or calendar says...
Will any of that change next time around? No, but I may be a BETTER parent because I will know that it does get better...and that in the end it will get "better" all too soon...
posted by Hostile in Ohio | 5/25/2005
3 Comments:
Angela! Beautiful post!
My only son used to talk and talk and talk when he was a toddler. I foolishly wished and wished that he would shut up. He stopped talking to me when was 7 or 8. And I mean that pretty literally. The boy wouldn't say a word unless you asked him a direct question and looked at him until he answered.
When he was 16 or 17 years old, I handed him an article about conversation that essentially said "If someone asks you a question, try to answer with more than one word". (The article compared a conversation with a tennis match--if you don't hit the ball back to me, we can't play). Well, that seemed to work. He began an effort to have conversations with me.
He's turning 21 next week and still living at home, going to school. This year, we are working on getting him to hug his mother more.
You go girl. You are doing just fine.
Oh God. I don't know whether to delete my previous comment or not.
I am just reading the rest of your blog and only JUST REALILZED that your son is having speech difficulties. I had NO IDEA.
So. I am just gonna say that I, in no way, intended to be offensive. Only to offer up support to your premise that this stage, this age, this infancy is only going to last so long and that you need, yes, actually need to enjoy it now, while you can.
So far, I am loving what I am reading. You definately getting recommended.
I didn't think you meant to be offensive, and thank you for the rest. It was very sweet of you to read and comment on what for me is my venting place :-)
As boys get older they seem to get less offended by hugging their mothers...so good luck :-)
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