Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Life sucks big hairy flea infested rat balls.

Here's a run down of my morning to explain why I say that:

I decided last night that I would take a pregnancy test today, I mean why not, right? My cycle is about 45 days long and this is day 43, that's close enough to test. So I get up this morning at 630 (an evil time to have to get up anyway), and I grab the pregnancy test I found in the boxes (we're still unpacking from our move). I was still half asleep so I didn't really look at it well (it was the last of a two pack, so there was no box or instructions) when I opened it.

I do all that I'm supposed to do, the 5 seconds in the stream take it out put the cap on and set it down on a level surface. There is a circle and a square for windows, the square is the control, the cirle the real test (most of you probably already know what test it is, but let's keep the rest ignorant like I was). I saw a solid line in the square window, and a very faint single line in the circle window. I stared and stared and moved the test to the counter where there is more light. Definately a line in the circle - faint, but definately a line.

I called my husband NeverExMarine back (he was playing with Mr. Miracle) and asked him if he saw what I saw. He said, "what...two lines...there are two lines?!" he got a smile/smirk on his face and then went back to play with Mr. Miracle . I knew that meant he was happy, my husband isn't the overly joyous type, but that smile was like a shout of joy from another person.

I then pulled back on the reins of hope and said, "but it's probably an old test and the line was faint," etc. etc. Basically making reasons why it could be a false positive.

I then clean up the wrapper noticing it says EPT, now that's odd since I always use First Response, but who cares, right? It is a positive test. I decide I'll pick another test up at the store this morning and retest later or tomorrow to make sure.

While at the store, I grab my First Response and see the EPT package. Now many of you probably know what I saw...that's right. EPT does plus and minus and that faint line I saw was a minus.

I was really let down...which means that bitch hope had snuck into my heart like a thief and then stabbed me with despair. I never should have expected the "miracle" so soon. Even though I am charting and monitoring my cervical fluid...We did the right things! Why doesn't it WORK?!
::growl:: So for over an hour hope had lingered so quietly in my heart only to stab me and cackle gleefully when she pointed out what a fucking moron I am...

I paid for the new test, might as well since I'll need it for the next cycle, and left. I then called my husband and told him "I told you not to get excited...that test was an EPT and it uses pluses and minuses instead of two lines." He says, "Oh," and I can hear the sadness, which he quickly covers when I say, "see I told you not to get excited."

Which of course makes him point out that it was an old test, REALLY old since the only one it could be is from when my mom bought me an EPT when I was newly pregnant with Mr. Miracle (NeverExMarine and mom wanted to see a positive for themselves, apparently they didn't trust the doctors test) ::shrug::

So that means that the test is 27 + 8 months = 35 months or 2 1/2 years old. NeverExMarine insists that since it was old and the negative line was faint that the test wasn't accurate. I tell him it doesn't matter, it is still a negative, it isn't like it was a faint positive. It is no use, hope has crawled into his heart now...I try to warn him, I try to tell him, but he won't listen...he still thinks we made it this cycle and that it was just a bad test.

Well, he'll get his wake up call Friday when my period starts...

It is cruel and unusual punishment to tease a person with a positive they so desperately want, only to tell them - HAH! Fooled you! You're SO not pregnant, and you'll never be pregnant again! HAHAHAHAH!

Not to mention I have a friend email me about how she's pregnant and she so isn't ready for this and she didn't want to be, etc etc. I just wanted to reach through cyber space and smack her - especially today! Fuck hope, fickle bitch.